Okay! Well, I sat down and really thought about this one. I really didn’t know where to start. I mean, there have always been crushes and “so and so has the hots for you know who” and that sort of business. But where do you draw the line and say, “This is a schoolgirl crush and this is love.” To some, well, to many, I’m sure that’s a really easy question to answer, I mean, love is LOVE, right? You can’t fake that, you can’t fool it.

But if there’s one thing you should learn about me, if nothing else, is that I am passionate. Not about anything in particular, just in general. And that doesn’t mean I just LOVE everything either, it means I hate and love with equal ferocity. Obviously I try not to hate too many things, but if I get started on something, you’re not going to hear the end of it for a while. This is also why I’m absolutely useless in arguements. When something starts getting heated, I get wild off the emotion and I can’t talk, I can’t reason, I can’t stand up for myself. I just scream or cry as appropriate. Sometimes both.

Anyway, enough of this philosophical claptrap. This is all beside the point. I just wanted you to know that this one is difficult for me, because I feel like I’ve loved people and things and places my entire life, and I don’t know what the first one possibly could have been.

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My darling Jess,

11 months ago, I promised you a Valentine’s Day present. A blog for us to share together, a beautiful garden on the internet where we could plant word-seeds, and watch them spiral out of control into an overgrown and unwieldy metaphor, just like that one.

I promised this to you, and I failed.

I failed really, really badly. I know it hurt you and oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I know I had reasons – house hunting with you, moving out with you, moving in with you, settling down, working, paying the bills, all these things. But that doesn’t matter. It’s not about reasons, it’s not about just being there, meeting your expectations, being able to pay the rent. That’s the bottom line. It’s not enough to just meet that, to just be there for you when you need it.

Love is about more than that. Love is about going above and beyond what’s required, doing more than you need to do, going out of your way to make sure the person you love knows that you want them, and you need them. I’ve never been good at romantic gestures at any time, let alone now when things are so hard. But I love you, Jess. I love you more than anything. And you deserve everything I can give you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t give you this sooner.

I know times are tough, and I wish things could be better. But while we can always find more money, we can always find different jobs – I could never, ever, find another you. I love you so much, my baby, and wherever we end up, whatever roof we sleep under at night, I will always be happy knowing that I have found the woman who I am going to spend the rest of my life with. And that is the only thing that matters to me.

So. Here it is. Our new blog – shiny, sexy, web-standards-adherent (mostly, heh) and ready to be used. I hope you enjoy it.

I love you.

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